For the month of December–with bonus posts on November 30 and January 1!–I am delighted to welcome a wonderful assortment of guest bloggers to take over the helm. Please enjoy their generous contributions to the blog this month. My own bloggery will resume January 2. I wish you and yours happiness and health this holiday season. Please note: comments are disabled until my return.
I’m Molly from www.boldfortune.com, where I write when inspired, rant when needed, and snark when motivated. I’m also married with a 7-year old, so I write about what I know, and what I know is this: fortune really does favor the bold.
As of October 30 I’ve been married for 14 years. I imagine that marrying someone at 30 is not the same as marrying someone at 21. While people and relationships continue to change (or at least, in my opinion, they should) at 30 faults are pretty damn well cemented. And having spent 10 years with a man before marriage, well, let’s just say I knew what I was getting, and getting in to. He’s quiet and stubborn and doesn’t talk about what’s bothering him. I’m loud and insecure and prone to get angry over small things.
I’ve been thinking about marriage these past couple of days. I just finished reading Deanna Raybourn’s Dark Road to Darjeeling, with its newly married protagonists Julia and Brisbane, and was very impressed with the fact that this fourth “Julia Grey” novel not only lived up to the previous books, but somehow managed to have more depth and character development. (As you might have noticed from previous posts, I like character development.) The presentation of marriage, as a state, was so spot on it took my breath away. Life was not “happily ever after.” Being married has its own problems, creates some new ones, and brings some old ones out of hiding. The same character flaws that were perhaps overlooked previously (Brisbane’s stubborn care for Julia’s safety, which can come off as overprotective, coddling and condescending) or were never seen in a certain light (Julia’s sister Portia calls her “selfish” admitting that all the Grey children are because of their wealth and upbringing) are here for our hero and heroine to see, and more importantly, to deal with. There’s not even the simplistic “fight-make-up-all-is-well” formula. They argue, and then argue about something else. They both act out. They deceive one another, sometimes with noble, sometimes with selfish, aims. They both find giving up independence difficult. You know those couples who seem to think and act as one? Yeah, me neither. I try to avoid those couples because they’re annoying and I don’t trust them. Thankfully, Julia and Brisbane are not like that, otherwise I’d have to stop reading.
If you think that marriage is supposed to be easy, and that all of your problems will go away if you can just get that ring, don’t bother reading Dark Road to Darjeeling. You won’t appreciate it.
But I know that it’s hard, and requires, sometimes, more honesty than I can bear to give. I also know there’s no one in world I love more than my husband, even though he’s quiet and stubborn and doesn’t like to talk about what’s bothering him. Sometimes I get lucky and read a book that reminds me of that.