Bonus post!

Just an extra post because I went on a little rant on Twitter and decided it was worth putting up here as well. Mother’s Day, my dears. It’s almost here, which means that the internet is awash with listicles suggesting gifts. And they are dire. I saw one featuring narwhal slippers–giant stuffed animals you wear on your feet. And a cutting board! And garden seeds! Look, I’m sure there are plenty of women who like those kinds of things, but I’m really quite fatigued with the pieces that circulate this time each year suggesting that women with children are sexless housebots who only care about whiter whites and garden loam. If your mom happens to want a phone sanitizer, bless. Those articles are going to help a lot. But women with children are not a monolith. We don’t all like the same things. Some of like a bit of sparkle or glamor or fizz, ya know? So here are some gift options if your mother is not the kind of woman to get her skirt blown up by a new toaster.

  1. A DVD featuring Helen Mirren in anything she’s done after the age of 55. She’s our patronus.
  2. G&T kit with a bottle of Boodles gin and a basket of lemons. Or a split of pink champagne and a proper coupe for drinking it.
  3. Gift card for mani/pedi. If that’s too pricey, a few bottles of nail polish in great colors–venomous red, sparkly violet, rich emerald.
  4. Notepads and pens featuring skulls instead of kittens in baskets. (Hork.)
  5. Box set of Miss Fisher Mysteries. Throw in a feather boa or feathered mules with a kimono and be the favorite child. FOREVER.
  6. Books: Dorothy Parker’s collected stories, AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE by Helen Ellis, Sarah Knight’s THE LIFE-CHANGING MAGIC OF NOT GIVING A F*CK.