In which we all know I am an OAP
I love the phrase "Old Age Pensioner". It's one of the ways the English manage to call a spade a spade and thumb their noses at political correctness. I've mentioned that I'm secretly an 80-year old Englishwoman whose idea of a good time is having a cream tea and a potter around a National Trust property. (Seriously, if I lived in England, that would be my weekend EVERY weekend.) Last Saturday, I piled up in bed after breakfast with the Tour de France on television and my knitting. My husband very kindly brought me a cup of tea and I think I even said, "Oh, lovely!" And it was a perfect morning, no joke.
Another sign of my impending old age is the fact that I almost cannot bring myself to go to the movies anymore. I've been to two in the last seven months, and only one was worth the money. (Thank you, Guy Ritchie!) Sitting through "The Wolfman" was an act of pity, and honestly, if I ever see anyone associated with that film, they owe me $9. I enjoyed the popcorn, so I don't expect to be reimbursed for that.
And I'm irritable about almost every aspect of movie-going these days. I grumble about the prices--I could buy a book for what the ticket costs and I would have HOURS more entertainment for my dollar, believe me. Concessions are an obscenity, and the only solution is smuggling in my own champagne, which I now do every time I go.
The other theatre-goers irk me too. We have two groups of people in my town--older people who like to talk and younger people who like to text. Both are equally annoying. I don't want to hear you explain the plot to your husband anymore than I want to see your little blue screen light up every four seconds. (Unless you have a lung-heart combo tucked in a cooler somewhere and a transplant team waiting for you to scrub-in, you are NOT that important.)
But none of this, none of it I tell you, compares to the hideousness of the movies themselves. Oh, the humanity. My husband and I saw a trailer for a movie he wanted to see, and I said, "Why bother? We just saw the best six lines." You know it's true. Every movie I have seen for the last fifteen years I would have enjoyed more for not having the pivotal moments spoiled for me. And what's left in between is just....euw. I've gotten more enjoyment out of anything on Masterpiece Mystery! than most films I've seen in the theatre in a decade.
All I can say is, thank God for Netflix and TCM. Between the two, I've gotten to see loads of wonderful movies I might otherwise have missed because they didn't get big commercial releases or they were made forty years ago. And if I start one of their films and don't like it, I can walk away without being $45 bucks lighter.
So that's my curmudgeonly rant for this month, dear readers. I would blame the heat--the heat index is 105 today!--but I have decided that if I simply ignore the weather and pretend it isn't happening, it might go away.
Comments
Love the movies!
I love going to the movies with stadium seating, middle row up (with the bars that I can prop my feet upon), middle of the row. I love the big, big screen, the sound, and, because I always go to the first matinee, the relative quiet ... almost like a personal showing.
The snack bar, I agree, is atrocioius (sp?) so I bring my own water and nibbles. But if you're willing to wait a few days, go in the early afternoon, and take your own stuff, it can be a fun way to spend the afternoon. The annoyances you've already mentioned is why I never go in the evening anymore.
The quality of the movies? Yeah, I have to agree that a lot of them are a waste of my time and money ... but I tend to go to those that have writers, directors, or actors that I adore. Yep, been fooled some, but have also had some great good fun too.
My TV is still of the old screen variety (and I refuse to replace it until it gives out) so that probably influences my desire for big screens at the movie theater. Besides, I can't imagine seeing the Lord of the Rings trilogy on a small screen!
Movies
I agree with you on everything Masterpiece. The ring tone on my cell phone is Mouret's Rondeau aka the Theme from Masterpiece Theater.
I thought it was just me. You make me feel so much better about not going out to films unless it is one I am avid to see.
I agree!!
I definitely agree. Oh my goodness, you have no idea how many times I just want to throw my shoes at people who text or people who talk.
"HOLY COW!! Did you see that?"
Well, I would have if I wasn't too busy glaring at the back of your head for talking every five seconds. Some people are just so rude.
Movies
Mostly I go to the theatre down here--We've got two good professional residential theatres one doing Shakespeare and more classical plays and the other doing lesser known and more contemporary plays, but the last movie I sat all the way through was a not well advertised movie called THE MESSENGER about 2 soldiers who fought in Iraq and now tell loved ones their soldier has died abroad, is about them adjusting or not adjusting to a country who has no idea of the experiences they have had, and what it can do to marriages and people on either end of the war--those who lost their loved one, and maintained the memory of him or her before the went to fight, and those that survived and don't recognize each other after wards---excellent performances--one by Samantha Morton who played Jane Eyre some time ago on TV--
Other than that, I have a friend who I go visit and watch DVDs with--Saw YOUNG VICTORIA--liked very much--and a movie about VALENTINO that was up for an Oscar nomination and her son had been working to promote it and we got one of the viewer DVDs--it was also very good --what a prima donna Valentino is, but it is quite a story about how his lifetime partner who was also the business man behind his courturier (whatever) and made his life worry free so all he had to do was to design his clothes--they also point out that the art of the great designers is dying out,as no one is learning the trade from them, who had learned it in the 50s and 60s from the great ones before them like Coco Chanel etc--I'd much rather watch a DVD at home---
But am wondering about INCEPTION?--with Leonardo de Caprio--it was playing near our Petsupermarket this evening and I had to park way away as the lot was so full---just wondering
Really?
The Illusionist? The Others? The Holiday? And come to think of it, what about Shakespeare in Love? Although that came out more than a decade ago. It's in my top five though & I wonder, since you have a degree (I think) that is intimately related with the man, what did you think of that movie? I caught on to a lot of elements taken from his life, but I'm sure there is so much more that I didn't pick up on. Waddya say?
Sad but True
There have always been bad movies, so that I just accept as a life truth. Schlock happens. What annoys, as Deanna said, is the price and the assumption by most movie goers that they are in their living room-alone.
In which I agree completely
The "Wolfman" was beyond terrible. It had the right elements - Emily Blunt in period dress, looking beautifully mournful, a Wuthering Heights-ish set, some sort of peril and supernatural elements ... but oh my. Bad, bad, BAD. I gave up after the first twenty minutes.
I totally agree. Movies suck lately. I can't even work up any excitement for the new Twilight, mostly because the vampires look so ridiculous in the trailer. Seriously, makeup people? Did we need to plaster beautiful young actors with really bad white makeup and the world's worst yellow contacts? And give them helmet-head hair?
Loved your post
I too cannot stomach the movie theater either. My experience so far have been: teenagers repeating every dialog from Harry Potter movie with their poor attempt to mimic an English accent, to a homeless person snoring loudly through the entire three hours of Lord of the Rings! I agree with you wholeheartedly, I would be totally content with Masterpiece Mystery. Stay cool!