In which I am pondering love letters
It's the time of year, I suppose, but I have always adored love letters and have several collections of some of the most poetic, tortured, romantic, whimsical, and passionate letters ever penned. Today I am posting one of my favorites, written by Sullivan Ballou, a major in the Union army during the Civil War, for his wife, Sarah.
My very dear Sarah:
The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days—perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write again, I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more . . .
I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans on the triumph of the Government and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and sufferings of the Revolution. And I am willing—perfectly willing—to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt . . .
Sarah my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me unresistibly on with all these chains to the battle field.
The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them for so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together, and seen our sons grown up to honorable manhood, around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me—perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar, that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battle field, it will whisper your name. Forgive my many faults and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often times been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness . . .
But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the gladdest days and in the darkest nights . . . always, always, and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath, as the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again . . .
A week after this letter was written, Sullivan Ballou died from wounds sustained at the First Battle of Bull Run. The letter was found among his effects. He was 32 when he died, and his 24-year old widow never remarried.
My very dear Sarah:
The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days—perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write again, I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more . . .
I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans on the triumph of the Government and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and sufferings of the Revolution. And I am willing—perfectly willing—to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt . . .
Sarah my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me unresistibly on with all these chains to the battle field.
The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them for so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together, and seen our sons grown up to honorable manhood, around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me—perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar, that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battle field, it will whisper your name. Forgive my many faults and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often times been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness . . .
But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the gladdest days and in the darkest nights . . . always, always, and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath, as the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again . . .
A week after this letter was written, Sullivan Ballou died from wounds sustained at the First Battle of Bull Run. The letter was found among his effects. He was 32 when he died, and his 24-year old widow never remarried.
Labels: love letters
posted by deanna at
6:12 AM
13 Comments:
My Lord--how beautiful was that?!? Thanks so much for sharing this!
Nina
Starting my Tuesday with tears in my eyes at such a lovely, deathless letter.
Such passionate words. Oh, to have been loved by this man.
This is one of my favorite love letters--do you know there is a book about Sullivan Ballou (For Love and Liberty: The Untold Civil War Story of Major Sullivan Ballou and His Famous Love Letter) ... Not sure if it's good, but it's out there!
that was so precious!! loved that!
I am a native Rhode Islander and Sullivan Ballou is buried in Swan Point Cemetery in Providence, RI. I have worked in the Swan Point archives doing personal research and participated in the first tour the cemetery ran, apparently since the letter was first included in Ken Burns' documentary the grave sight has become very popular, almost overtaking H.P. Lovecraft's grave as the most visited. Swan Point is a lovely Victorian garden cemetery in a similar style to Mount Auburn in Cambridge, Highgate in London or Pere Lachaise in Paris if you're ever in RI it's worth a trip (we're a small state so you shouldn't have trouble fitting it in). Swan Point's website (www.swanpointcemetery.com) features the letter and more information.
Where is a tissue when I need one? So beautiful.
Thanks for the information, Liz! I visited Providence once, and thoroughly enjoyed it--a superb city for restaurants. I wish I'd known about Swan Point!
At the bottom of a box of photographs I found a letter my grandfather had written to my grandmother in 1920, six months before they married. It’s not as elegantly written as Sullivan Ballou’s, but there are similarities in the honest sharing of emotion. Thanks for posting this, and I'll have to re-read Grandpa’s letter when I get home this evening.
So beautifully moving...while I am delighted at the progress our nation has made and still believe that we love as deeply as Sullivan did Sarah - we have lost the elegant art of expression. I can't imagine a love text would be so moving or timeless.
Thank you.
Deanna - have you ever read Sir John Soane's love letter to his wife upon her death?
Beautiful!
Deanna,
You are like me and I have haunted many an antique store for love letters. I found an interesting one with tales of a smoky train ride, obvious opium smoking, and a secret love . . . it is so fun to read of the true feelings of others.
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