In which I have learned much from "The Big Bang Theory"

Things I’ve learned from watching “The Big Bang Theory”:

1. Don’t watch on an empty stomach. The relentless scenes of Thai takeout and Cheesecake Factory locations, taken with the occasional foray into “I-love-you-briskets” and Chinese dumplings are no comfort to the hungry. This show should only be viewed with a bowlful of drunken noodles and some eggrolls.

2. Uniform dressing is not a bad thing. Every character on the show has a uniform. Sheldon wears short-sleeved t-shirts layered over long-sleeved versions; Leonard’s layers feature a hoodie while Raj favors the sweater vest, and Howard is always to be found in some variety of retina-scorching jeans with matching dickie and oversized comic-hero belt buckle. If I could figure out my uniform, I’d probably save myself a few years’ worth of shopping over the course of my life. (And I suspect it may be a nod to Albert Einstein, who allegedly had six of the same suit hanging in his closet so he would never have to think about what to wear. I don’t know if it’s true, but it’s a good story, so I’m not fact-checking it.)

3. Creator Chuck Lorre’s plumb bob doesn’t hang straight. Read the vanity cards he posts at the end of the credits. They go fast, so pause your DVR or check them out at his website to make sure you don’t miss one.

4. The facts matter, even if you’re the only one who knows the difference. The writers of the show are not physicists and don’t try to be. Instead, they write “insert science stuff here” into the script and leave the details to their consulting physicist. He scribbles equations on their whiteboards and fills in the gaps so that the science is right. He doesn’t have to; there are probably a handful of people who watch this show who would know the difference, and heaven knows there are plenty of shows that take shortcuts. But they would know, and so they bring their physicist in to make certain that when they talk about Bose-Einstein condensates, they’re doing it correctly. I really, really love that. Because just between you and me, they could be rendering the phonetic applications of one of those African clicking dialects on the whiteboards and I wouldn’t know the difference. (And those African clicking dialects could be discussing string theory for all I know because I can’t decipher them either.)

5. There is no limit to how many times I can hear Sheldon sing “Soft Kitty”. No, really.

6. Routine is good. The more I watch this show, the more I find myself envying “Vintage Game Night” and “Comic Book Wednesday”. I think my life would be vastly simpler if I instituted “Taco Tuesday” and “Plaid Sunday”. It would eliminate all the guesswork about what to do, what to wear, what to eat. I realize the lack of spontaneity would kill me after about three days, but at least I would know what I was wearing to my own funeral.